InFocus: Queer and Disabled Story by PWDA member Rory Keyes
InFocus: Queer & Disabled is a digital storytelling campaign led by PWDA, centring the voices and lived experiences of LGBTQIA+ people with disability.
My name is Rory Keyes.
I am 23 years old and have Autism, ADHD, Cerebral Palsy and other bits and pieces here and there.
I identify as Non-Binary and Pansexual and this is my 3rd Mardi Gras with PWDA.
Mardi Gras has always been interesting for me.
When I was younger, I saw the parade and various events on TV and always wanted to go and be in the parade and be a part of it.
I didn’t know why as I didn’t fit into the community at that point, but I did feel like there was potentially something to explore, like I didn’t really fit into the stereotypical definition of “Straight or “Man/Manly”.
Every year I watched the parade on TV and started following groups I saw in the parade on social media.
In 2022 I was a member of headspace’s youth advisory committee, and I got invited to my first Mardi Gras with headspace.
I didn’t attend the parade but was at their stall on Fair Day. It was a great experience, and it got me questioning myself a bit.
Then, finally one year while working with the Council for Intellectual Disability (CID) we all got an email inviting us to be in the Mardi Gras parade with PWDA for Sydney World Pride. I immediately responded and ended up going. It was an amazing experience, seeing all the people dressed up (or lack of dressing at all lol).
Seeing people coming from all around the world to express love, find themselves and help other people find themselves, to party, to live, to love, to be free.
It was amazing.
I felt overwhelmed (but in a good way), I started noticing people I normal wouldn’t notice and starting to feel like maybe there was something there after all.
“But I’m not gay, I like women but, those guys are nice too, and the trans women and men are great too, what does this mean? I am so confused”.
After being in the parade and attending Mardi Gras, It really got me thinking.
I was confused but I knew that I can figure this stuff out.
I went home and couldn’t stop telling everyone about my experience.
People were messaging me on social media saying they saw me on TV or in person in the parade and it was awesome.
But I still had those questions in the back of my head. So, I did what any Gen Z person would do and went to good old Google and started asking the questions in the search bar, in forums, and trying to find the answers. After a while I found that I could be Bi.
But after further digging, I found terms and identities like Non-binary, Genderfluid, and other Gender-diverse terms. I found that there was an identity for people who liked everyone in general no matter their gender or sex. I finally found what spoke to me. “Pansexual, of course this is perfect”.
The next Mardi Gras I came out as Pan to my family and friends, I finally felt like a person again, I found my place, but I still didn’t understand why I didn’t feel like a manly man or really like a man in general.
I like things like roses, one of my favourite colours is pink, I love Hello Kitty and Kuromi,
I hang out with girls and understand them and fit in more rather than guys but I didn’t feel like a girl either.
I found a few people on YouTube who were talking about being Trans and dressing up as a girl etc. I found it quite interesting and informative. I looked into it more. I then ended up going on estrogen. I felt great, it felt like the right choice but yet again I didn’t feel like I was trans. After a bit of experimenting with dressing up, taking estrogen, I found that I didn’t need estrogen or medication.
I felt that I was something in between.
So, I finally read into being non-binary and spoke to a whole heap of people to find out what it meant. Being non-binary sounded like me. So, I did it, I came out as Non-binary.
Using they/them pronouns is still a bit difficult and I often slip up myself but working at UNSW has helped, they use my pronouns and often help me remember to do it too.
PWDA and Mardi Gras helped me find me, helped me become a part of an amazing community, find friends, and be free and feel safe to be free.
If you are questioning or feel like you need answers or want to go to Mardi Gras in general.
DO IT, YOU WON’T REGRET IT.